Whose heart is empty

I was reading an entry from islam-qa.com... i guess it was just one of those days that i just needed a break from the humdrum of work...

so this article was talking about love - a woman had asked... that she had loved a man for whom it was haraam to love and marry, and whether it was right for her to visit a psychologist, or whether it was some kind of black magic or smth.

the answer: there is no black magic in there, only a sickness created by Satan for those whose heart is empty of the remembrance of God.

the mention of this made me wonder: if there is no love, only games played by Satan, then there truly is no true love...

In order to prove it, lets go by proving that its inexistence doesn't affect relationships: match-made marriages...

if the sustainability of marriages depend on whether or not you are your partner's one true love, then match-made marriages will truly fail on a large scale (i mean, some parents are bound to make good matches, right? but most of them won't...right?). but we often hear how match-made marriages, provided they are made on a strong foundation, will last a lifetime...

what is this strong foundation? tolerance, patience, god-fearing i believe... and I only believe... I don't have the proof yet, but it seems that way...

romeo and juliet is a tragic tale, but i believe it could've ended differently, had both of them had faith in God, that God's word will prevail...

so how do we choose a partner then? if god-fearing is in the equation, we choose one equally fearful of god - that is the best yardstick - for everything else then, will fall into place, just like pieces of a puzzle fitting nicely in it's pre-determined slots.

Dare I say God has all the solutions to our problems?

I do.

Yet we so blatantly refuse His guidance, and go about blindly trying to figure out our lives, and filling up buckets full of our own self-pity along the way.

I realized that as children, we'd learned how to live like a Muslim, but we were never really taught what it is like to BE one...

How unfortunate for us all...

The serf of America suffer

check this article out.

http://www.spectator.org/dsp_article.asp?art_id=11130

we aren't the only ones suffering. The serf of America are suffering too.

more on the dude that sold defective bulletproof suits to throw his daughter a $10m bat mitzvah later.

Personal Legends?

A friend of mine once gave me a book that talked about personal legends... wonder what that's all about?... i didn't get it the first time i read it... maybe i should read it again.

will come back to it later...

weak week, sick geek

this week and the last have been hell... everyone's sick. we had three members of our family in the same hospital at almost the same time!

at the same time, we had 2 members in my office who were out for almost a week.

then my lil' bro, who rarely takes MCs, took one yesterday... said he loved the day off... who doesn't dude? oh yeah, workahollows... hollow life, so workahollows...

additionally, lemme add that my wife just got out of hospital two weeks ago, and spent the last two weeks on MC at home...

what's going on here eh?

eat some vitamins and exercise more people!!!

actually, that's not the case for my dad. colon cancer... stage 3, malignant... he's going to have to go for chemo and radio... sucks like hell.

but that's life ain't it... taking it one day at a time... let's eat some vitamins for tomorrow shall we?

Keepin My Head Up

It's tough to live the good life. I wonder how some people do it so seemingly effortlessly...

I guess it's just like my old english teacher used to say about english "you need to 'rendam'kan yourself in it"

Maybe i've been doing things the wrong way. Maybe i just need to try harder. Whatever it is, if it's the only way to happiness - then you won't find me stopping halfway through the journey.

Tried, been trying, will keep on trying.

Hell Hath No Fury Like...

A man scorned?

haha... i thought that was reserved for the women folk...

unfortunately, men's fury is almost the same, if not worse...

think about women defaced by acid splashed on their faces by men scorned... those evil bastards... women raped, gang raped, murdered... the list can go on and on...

a good philosophy to live by: you won't get married to anyone with an attitude like that...

be patient... it's its own virtue...

ah... millah...

ahhh.... it's been a while since i posted. sorry blog... been busy... what with Liza in hospital, moving and all...

well, it's another wonderful day, wonderful week, I hope... we'll see huh?

got a few blogs in mind, that should fill you up nice and well this week eh blog?

A New Kind of Post is in Order

Aaaaahhhh... remember the joy of quenching your thirst with a cool refreshing iced lemon tea on a hot and humid day? howzat feel? I feel just like that today... well, that and not enough sleep, so it kinda cancels out...

Feels like I'm taking a breath of fresh air in the woods, near a lake, up in the mountains... feels like the world suddenly means more than "I wish I were dead".

So let's talk about something else you've never heard from me. My dreams...

I have a dream...

To one day have enough time to do the things that matter to me: making other people smile - family included
To one day have more money than I need: so I can give it all away

I have a dream...

To one day open a school for the orphans and the less fortunate...
To one day be able to spend more time in the school than in the office

I have a dream...

To die smiling...
Knowing that I had made not only a dent, but a tear in the fabric of history...
Knowing that I had made a difference...

And that is my dream.. Plans are in place - One step at a time now...

The side of me you wouldn't know if you didn't grow up with me... :)

Please pray for me...

God is Love

Dear Google,

I just love you guys over there. It's like you heard me...

Today's AdSense: "God Is Love: See a 60 second video on God's love for you"

Hahahahhahaha!!! Google, you just made my day!!

New Leaf, New Approach

No more bitter lashes at others - the cool dudes... they are who they are, and I am who I am. That's it. period.

No more angry cursing, or non-angry cursing. No more foul language, or foul breath, or foul gas... sorry Apai...

read the bitter blogs while they're still around. End of this week, I'm putting them out.

Like the trees in autumn that sheds its old leaves, I wish to absolve myself of these things what fill my heart with bitterness, anger, jealousy and hatred. One at a time.

New leaf. I hope. Please pray for me.

P/s: wouldja know it, AdSense has changed: from 'Treatments for Narcissistic Personality Disorder' to 'Does Hell Burn Forever? Teaching from the Bible'. Errr... hey Google, why does every Ad in my blog make me look bad?

Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief

God teaches us in many ways. Today, I am humbled. Truly humbled.

Just came back from seeing another friend of mine whom i haven't seen in a long2 time. A friend who went with us to the US to study. A special friend of ours. You see, a long time ago, he suffered 90% burns on his body, from a fire that burned his entire dorm room. He survived, but was permanently scarred. I don't remember the details, but he had a lot of skin grafting done on him. His roommate didn't survive.

But God, you see, works in mysterious ways. That's the American point of view.

I know him from before our trip to the US. I know his type. Always positive, always optimistic. The 'never give up till you die' type. Hmmm... come to think of it, that kind of fiery spirit was apparent in most of us in that particular American Degree Program (very, very interesting). He had a rather handsomey cutely face, the kind ladies would usually fall for (I dunno, he can charm quite well too i guess :) )... the fire made a good job of taking that away.

But you know what the fire failed to take away though? His spirit.

Through all that has happened to him, he ploughed on, went through life holding the reins... and today:

Today I see him, and he hasn't changed, still the spunky little guy i knew 8 years ago. Yes, that's how long I haven't seen him. While in therapy, he fell in love, and got married. I know what attracted his wife... and i know it very well... :)

A year back, he returned to the States for a short while. When he came back, he was a few millions bucks richer. He had won the lawsuit against the University he was in. Bought a business - for his sisters to run, now setting up another business for his brother, and in the future: one for his ownself.

God taketh... but God also giveth...

This story is repeated in this group of people many times over. We had a friend losing a leg, going through depression, change in religion - hmmm... in fact, as far back as i can remember, we also had a friend who didn't know English that much (and going to the US!!!) but learnt it in a year. These are friends who have achieved so much while being so young - practically nobodies yet. Yet not a single word of put-down do i hear from them. For this group of friends whom I have mostly lost touch with, I offer you my salutations... and my humble honor.

This is the group for which I will forever hold my utmost respect. Not those who just think they're cool - but now i have no ill-feelings towards them either.

I am humbled.

Hope to see you all again real soon.

New leaf. Please pray for me...

~Tribute to Wady, and all of ATU1~

I understood, but I didn't

A long one for a new page in life:

I woke up this morning, groggy as usual, but with a sense of calm i hadn't felt the past few weeks. As I was walking to and from the bed to the toilet, i kept thinking: what had i done that was different?

And it came to me slowly...

Last week, I went to see a friend of mine... one I haven't seen in a long long time... maybe 3 years or more, but one i've been very close with before. He was the ponderous kind, who reads and thinks a lot. These days, he runs a training business, typical of his leanings to education, and educating.

So as we talked, catching up on times lost, and sharing new experiences, and ideas, he mentioned to me something that stuck to me right to this very morning. It goes something like this: "Our fate, as I've learned, is predetermined by our actions - there are a set of actions that can actually lead to a set of results, only our minds are too little to be able to take in all the equations, the variables we have in life, to determine the best course of action to take, but if we do know, then the outcome is very much predictable"

It did hit me then, but I didn't put much thought into it.

Then last Friday, I read what I posted in my previous post - "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!". That fate is but a mathematical proof, a bunch of equations, actions, leading to (=) a result.

Caught my attention then too... but didn't put much thought into it either...

Then only last night, while I was driving home from my sister's house with my brother, parents and grandmother, did the last blow hit me full on... they were talking about that morning's religious class (which I foolishly skipped). Mom was saying: "today in class the ustaz (teacher) was saying that all the good and the bad we face in life, it's an immediate result of the good and bad we that we did. In other words, the immediate reward and punishment for our deeds. At the same time, it also serves as a test for us... when we do good, and get good things, are we still persistently good? when we do bad, and we get bad things, are we still persistently bad, or do we repent and mend our ways?"

Those words from mom rang another bell in my mind... that all the crap I've been facing in life is an immediate payment for the misdeeds I did in the past - and mind you, they were plenty... That the path of misdeed that I had chosen to take in the past was the reason for all the misery I am now facing, or faced. The life I am leading today was predetermined by the paths that I had chosen in the past.

A close friend of mine once told me, when she was going through a tough time: "this is God's cash payment for all the things I'd done in the past" - didn't believe her then, but now I do. I had understood the concept, but in reality, I didn't really understand it.

It's not that life's all that bad, but I'm not that happy with it either. Too many shadows of the past, unsolved problems, an unknown future... it's messing with my mind.

I don't know about you, but if a lot of things jump out to you at almost the same time, with the same kind of message, bells should ring in your mind. And in mine, it sure did. I've been praying for guidance... maybe this is it.

So last night, I prayed to God, seeking His pleasure, more than anything else. Because maybe, I still have sins unforgiven. Maybe that's why I'm a little calmer this morning.

Maybe salvation is not far off... maybe, if I follow God's rules to the dot, fear him much, remember him often, my life will change for the better. As the saying in the Qur'an goes: "There is no calming of the heart, without remembrance of Allah" (forgot which part it came from). As I've said before, with a lot of hard work: prayers, and trust in Him.

After all, prayers, trust and help from God can't come without a prerequisite: that we follow what the Almighty commands... would YOU help someone you're not pleased with? then why would you expect God to do just that then? right?

So here goes. A new leaf. I hope. Wishing me all the best.

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!

I was reading a book on Google, and it's historically unconventional IPO, when i came across this paragraph:

In fact, the Greeks believed that your fate is already sealed - you can no more tempt it than calculate the final digit of pi. In engineering terms, fate is a mathematical proof. Your free will to chose this day or that day for your IPO will, in the end, have nothing to do with your ultimate fate. This whole notion of tempting fate is bagatelle created by men terrified of math: the result, in the end, is simply the result. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!

HAHA!! I'll say it again!!

"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!"

In admittedly the geekiest thing to say out loud: I love the pun!! HAHA

Oversteer

I was driving down from Kg Subang to Klang using my brother's spanking awesome Proton Gen-2, known for it's awesome handling at corners. I was driving on one of the back roads to Klang, and was driving at 130km/h on a part that of the road that was straight. I arrived at a junction where I was supposed to turn left into, the junction that leads to Meru.

Downshifting from 5th to 4th, then to 3rd, I slowed the car down a bit (should've downshifted straight to 3rd) then took the corner. remembering that it's a bad idea to step on the brakes in a corner, i let my foot off the brakes and, as my close friend had taught me, put it lightly on the accelerator pedal.

the car oversteered, it's back throwing way further than the 90 degree turn it's supposed to take. I actually had to steer to the right to get it straightened on the road.

My first real oversteer. stupid small school drift as you may call it.

Before i only had minor oversteers, ones that make your tires squeal, but not enough to throw the car off. this time was awesome. pushing the limits is always awesome. I love my bro's car. Awesome...

Apai, sorry la wey, i enjoy it too much la...

Sleep: the rare commodity

Just woke up ~yawn~ went to bed at 3 last night. watched some Animes on Animax, then pretty much let the TV watch me for the rest of the night...

and so this has been for the past week or so. Then I'd wake up in the middle of the night - or should i say the morning - because of some shit... maybe it's my mobile telling me to wake up for prayers or smth - Shut the thing up, then plop on back on my bed to continue sleeping.

Then, by 7:30ish, lights come pouring in from the windows, and i'll be damned if there wasn't a meeting or something going on at work. so up i get, curse a bit, drag my sorry big ass (yes its gotten big these days) to the toilet, poop while sleeping on the toilet seat, forget to brush my teeth, shower, then get dressed - while sleeping. THEN I'd brush my teeth (you didn't think I wouldn't would ya? hell, my mouth tastes like shit) then jump back on bed - just coz i miss it, and want it soooooo much.

It's not like i went out partying last night. yeah... when you work with a customer half-way around the world, you can't help but lose sleep.

Like I said, If only i can get rich out of weaving damn ketupats over here!!

Can you imagine that?

(Mouth agape staring at the PC, eyes blinking only when dry - damm AC)

A few posts ago I was talking about the UNREAL LIFE.. well would you know it... some smart asses went ahead and made one already!!! check it out:

www.secondlife.com

and the most IRONIC thing about it is ~drumroll~ you can actually make freaking real money off it!!! talk about 'mulut masin'...

hmmm... i can imagine doing a lot of other things in it that don't involve money... hehehe (evil grin... aisey, left my torchlight in the car!!! damm!!!)

KETUPAT?!!!

A few months ago I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard and guess what I saw? a man making ketupat for people to buy!! shit man, i could do rendang next to him and make some serious greenbacks.

Imagine that... all the chaos of showbiz and this guy's weaving ketupat... i'll bet the dude learnt from an Ahmad or a Jackpot (aka Jaafar). hmm... then again, maybe a Sheila... yeah, sounds 'bout right...

maybe i should try selling kain pelikat down sunset boulevard... think it'll make me a millionaire? desperately need to make money... if only i could make money out of damn ketupats over here!!!

Follow my flow will ya?

I'll bet it'll drive you nuts.

as you continue to read my lame ass laments, you 'll find my posts varying according to my ambient temperature... when i'm hot, i lash out, when i'm not, i lament lame boring stuff like perception... when i'm happy (i'm working on it!!! dammit!!), well, we'll see...

so don't fall behind soldier!!! keep up the pace!!

Perception: Weapon of Mass Deception

Aaaaa.... perception. The weapon you use to sell your products, to convince your dad to give you the keys to his BMW, to move nations into supporting your conquest for oil, and to influence even single persons - especially those holding positions of great importance to you.

For most of us, we barely even notice this weapon being used on us... after all, with our busy life and all, who would? a good friend of ours bad-mouthing our other colleague (or worse, subordinate), a father telling their child how bad the people outside can be, a president of a country telling us there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Sometimes we barely notice the subtle underlying motive behind their oft-most sincere talk. It seems, as it is usually perceived, to be a heart to heart talk... sincere heads-up, sincere warning, sincere information.

In the case of the father protecting his child, i guess this is putting it to good use. But when there is enmity between colleagues, when there is greed, then the use of this weapon is very dangerous - and effective - indeed. like the shotgun: you can use it to kill ducks for dinner, and you can use it to blow a man to pieces. how you use it, well that's entirely your choice.

Perception. Can split asunder couples, families, a whole race, an entire nation.

Look around you. Think. maybe you'll find yourself being deceived. Maybe by your country's leadership. maybe by your friends. maybe by your family. and maybe, in fact most probably, by yourself - believing the things you know aren't true in life.

An antidote, i can propose: relax, and listen to the two sides of the story before jumping to conclusions. there are always two sides to a story. never one. always two. or more. and we are never matured enough to make decisions or opinions of people or situations. try to keep that in mind will you all?

The Anatomy of Sorrow

Trying to analyze the anatomy of sorrow isn't an easy task. It's complicated - it really IS - in fact, you hear people down on their luck saying this often...

Sometimes, when life seems filled with it (sorrow, I mean), and the light at the end of the tunnel seems so dim and far away, you find that you just can't figure out why you're sad - or sorrowful, i guess.

Then suddenly life comes back to you, and you suddenly seem to see the world in brighter colors, and children's laughter can pass right through your once ice cold and bitter hearts, warming it up with a kind of warmth you thought you never felt before. And all this for no apparent reason. Your mind - and body - suddenly decides that the problems you had just don't matter anymore, and you move on.

So when someone tells me (heck, i told myself this before...) they're matured enough to be able to analyze how people feel, to understand their sorrow, their suffering... geez... gimme a break... no kit kats this time. When it boils down to this, you can't analyze shit...

God works in mysterious ways. That's what the Englishmen would say.

God knows what's best for us. That's what my countrymen would say.

If that is true, then losing someone you love, not being able to be around for people you love most when they need it most, not being able to live life the way you want it, seeing your child, spouse, parents die right in front of you, go thru hardship after hardship, trial after trial, must serve a purpose. There must be a reason for all the shit that's happening to people, and all the non-shit that's happening to others.

so for all the sorrow we are facing in life, be patient and strong, happiness will follow - I'm betting all my chips on it.

After all, for my fellow muslims bro's and sisters, a short chapter from the Quran, MY God's words, should sum it all up pretty nicely:

Have we not expanded you your breast? And removed from you your burden? The which did gall your back? And raised high the esteem you are held? Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. And verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Therefore, when you are free, still labour hard. And to your Lord turn your attention.

And yet, even with these words in our minds, sorrow is still hard to swallow. If you think it easy, tell it to the prophets who had a hard time in life, Joseph, David, Abraham, Noah, Moses, Muhammad... see what they have to say about it.

No one can really understand the anatomy of sorrow... until they've went through it themselves. Even so, it'd still be hard to figure out. I can tell you the best medicine for it though. With a lot of hard work: patience, prayers and trust in God.

The Lost Comparison

I went for friday sermons with my dad, my brother and a colleague of ours. Dad was rambling about how he needed to take my brother out of his present position and send him for leadership and development courses. He started comparing us: me and and my bro, how I'm moving forward and my bro's just lost in the wind.

Dad, you gotta understand, I'm no hero, no superman. lil' bro isn't either... but you can't compare us. That's so wrong in so many levels.

I've learnt in life (and marriage) that i can't compare someone to someone else. People tend to make wrong judgments about people when they compare. When you're comparing, and you're setting someone else above the other, the dude below gets an unfair beating. Small mistakes become big in your eyes, and big achievements become insignificant. The dude above, on the other hand; his stupid little minor achievements that don't amount to nothing get all the attention, and his huge fumbles and mistakes, we turn a blind eye upon. So unfair and wrong in so many levels - and destructive too. The little child of discrimination, I'd like to call it.

For those of you who do compare - parents, teachers, bosses, lovers - out there: stop. Find people's good and praise them. Find their weaknesses and counsel them. That's the best way to show your love, or even your loathing.

No person can be someone else.

And my brother can't be me. But i see greatness in him. He just has to see it for himself. And what better people to help him see it if it isn't his parents, who love him dearly?

TVtrix the duology

if there is such a thing as a duology...

now having god-like powers is awesome... but let's just face it... if you're a robot that's intelligent enough to progam a world for humans, i'd bet you'd fool proof it so no one can be superman... duh...

anyways... here's my answer to the question i posted aeons ago... yep, i dusted the cobwebs on that post, and was appaled at my indecision...

my answer is:
Of COURSE I'd CHOOSE the UNREAL LIFE!! I don't wanna live underground, with the rats and the tapeworms, where you probably don't get to see sunlight for the rest of your life... would you?

now, if i can only make some money in the unreal world... muahahahahahaha!!! (rubbing palms together with evil look on face... torchlight underneath chin)

The A/C draft is killing me!

well duh, who asked you to sit right in front of it mr smartacus?

death by A/C... whodda thunk it?

I just feel like rambling today. Just one of those days when i'd write pieces of garble that make no sense. Man it's so cold here.

anyways... it seems that everyone i know is into blogging these days... introducing, (cue the lame drumroll) my friend, mr kungfu zaki, self-professed president of the loser club, who has a blog. Right this way fellas (he doesn't update much, but enjoy his entries... muahahahahaha!!!): http://championloser.blogs.friendster.com/loser_club_president/

so enjoy it while i go and beat the crap out of this f**king A/C. hehehehehahahahaha!!! (is this evil enough?)

ADD is so overrated

i read the posts i made a few aeons ago... ADD??!!

gosh man, quit your petty whining and get on with life already!!

oh yeah, forgot to go to office today. Well that sucks. blame ADD. yeah mannn!!

and oh yeah (part 2), so much for ADDers being loyal to their partners... bluergh...

cobwebs on my blog

shit... talk about leaving this blog for so long.

I didn't even know blogger.com belongs to google now. talk about leaving cobwebs out on my blog. cobwebs on a weblog. damm the irony. misspell intended.