The narcissist in me

It was scrubs season finale, and cox was listening to his ex-wife ramble about meeting someone else that day. His answer to that went something like this: "What? another narcissistic self hating guy?". Guess he was talking about himself. Wonder if it applies to myself?

The book I read (yeah, the book again - geez, get a life) mentioned something about ADDers being narcissists. Seemingly narcissistic they say. Agree? dunno. Maybe not. Then again, maybe yes

I find that I do think a lot about myself: what I did or will do, or am doing. How I look, how I performed (in bed and everywhere else :) ). Sometimes I'm pleased with myself. But sometimes when I'm pleased with myself, I hate myself for being pleased with myself. Then at times when I'm not pleased with myself, guess what? I hate myself. Yeah, I know, I'm a piece of work. My wife told me that a long time ago. Don't worry, I don't hate myself enough to kill myself. I still love me. Very much.

When it comes to listening tho, I find that although I do have trouble concentrating sometimes, or even maintaining eye contact with my friends, I do listen to people's problems a lot. Then again, that's probably just being nosy. But I also suppose that's being the sensitive ADD dude. God. ADD is confusing.

Thank God, through all this mess that I'm in, I have my wife by my side. FEELS GOOOOOOD. :)

I'm too good for this

Just last week, a colleague of mine complained to me about her job.

"I'm dying over here. This job is not challenging. I'm not paid to do this kind of job". From the words, you might think that this lady is one stuck up b***h. But in reality, she's not. kinda cool really, very sanguine (you can only listen most of the time)

Unfortunately, i do believe that quite a number of people out there believes in those three sentences above. We do have our own egos to satisfy, our names that we want woven in the fabric of history. And unfortunately, where we're working at right now, just doesn't cut it.

Business wise, I suppose the phrase "not paid to do this kind of job" does apply to some people. Executive level, executive salary, clerk job. Wastes company money paying for someone overqualified for the job. I guess in that sense, we should feel that we are "not paid to do this kind of job".

But everything laid forth, what are we to do? my belief: although starting it out could be scary, owning your own business is the best thing to do. No nagging bosses, (or ctrl freak ones for that matter), and the money's all yours. Best of all for me, no set work time.

I have yet to own mine tho.

work is only to learn, and earn, but mostly learn. (corny - haha!!)

whatever... I'm lost.

ADD: misery and laughter combined

picked up a book a while back: answers to ADD.

Attention Deficit Disorder. Never knew I was so, sooo identifiable to this disorder. Mummy!! I'm klazey!! laaa, no wonder la this blog's named lost man... I'm so lost sometimes you know?

I don't really know if you can call this a disease. After all, it's only popular in the US. The Europeans don't seem to think the disorder exists. Yet so many people can identify to its simptoms.

Extremely forgetful, absent-minded, day-dreaming, unable to complete jobs and jumping from one job to another, are just a few of the things these dudes go through. You don't know how painful these experiences can be until you're and ADDer yourself. Imagine screwing something up day in and day out.

Then again, as with all mental disorders, there are also good things. Sensitivity, flexibility, loyalty (to wife hehe :) ) creativity, and increased intuition are among a few.

Tho I'm not officially diagnosed with the thing yet, I find I can find my way when I'm lost just by relying on my gut feel. Ah, my gut says turn left... ok, now right... then left again... now it's saying stop at that McDonald's, fill me up and ask for directions. haha!! But seriously dude, when it really happens, it's so cool tho.

More on this later. chiao