It was scrubs season finale, and cox was listening to his ex-wife ramble about meeting someone else that day. His answer to that went something like this: "What? another narcissistic self hating guy?". Guess he was talking about himself. Wonder if it applies to myself?
The book I read (yeah, the book again - geez, get a life) mentioned something about ADDers being narcissists. Seemingly narcissistic they say. Agree? dunno. Maybe not. Then again, maybe yes
I find that I do think a lot about myself: what I did or will do, or am doing. How I look, how I performed (in bed and everywhere else :) ). Sometimes I'm pleased with myself. But sometimes when I'm pleased with myself, I hate myself for being pleased with myself. Then at times when I'm not pleased with myself, guess what? I hate myself. Yeah, I know, I'm a piece of work. My wife told me that a long time ago. Don't worry, I don't hate myself enough to kill myself. I still love me. Very much.
When it comes to listening tho, I find that although I do have trouble concentrating sometimes, or even maintaining eye contact with my friends, I do listen to people's problems a lot. Then again, that's probably just being nosy. But I also suppose that's being the sensitive ADD dude. God. ADD is confusing.
Thank God, through all this mess that I'm in, I have my wife by my side. FEELS GOOOOOOD. :)
Monday, January 16, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
I'm too good for this
Just last week, a colleague of mine complained to me about her job.
"I'm dying over here. This job is not challenging. I'm not paid to do this kind of job". From the words, you might think that this lady is one stuck up b***h. But in reality, she's not. kinda cool really, very sanguine (you can only listen most of the time)
Unfortunately, i do believe that quite a number of people out there believes in those three sentences above. We do have our own egos to satisfy, our names that we want woven in the fabric of history. And unfortunately, where we're working at right now, just doesn't cut it.
Business wise, I suppose the phrase "not paid to do this kind of job" does apply to some people. Executive level, executive salary, clerk job. Wastes company money paying for someone overqualified for the job. I guess in that sense, we should feel that we are "not paid to do this kind of job".
But everything laid forth, what are we to do? my belief: although starting it out could be scary, owning your own business is the best thing to do. No nagging bosses, (or ctrl freak ones for that matter), and the money's all yours. Best of all for me, no set work time.
I have yet to own mine tho.
work is only to learn, and earn, but mostly learn. (corny - haha!!)
whatever... I'm lost.
"I'm dying over here. This job is not challenging. I'm not paid to do this kind of job". From the words, you might think that this lady is one stuck up b***h. But in reality, she's not. kinda cool really, very sanguine (you can only listen most of the time)
Unfortunately, i do believe that quite a number of people out there believes in those three sentences above. We do have our own egos to satisfy, our names that we want woven in the fabric of history. And unfortunately, where we're working at right now, just doesn't cut it.
Business wise, I suppose the phrase "not paid to do this kind of job" does apply to some people. Executive level, executive salary, clerk job. Wastes company money paying for someone overqualified for the job. I guess in that sense, we should feel that we are "not paid to do this kind of job".
But everything laid forth, what are we to do? my belief: although starting it out could be scary, owning your own business is the best thing to do. No nagging bosses, (or ctrl freak ones for that matter), and the money's all yours. Best of all for me, no set work time.
I have yet to own mine tho.
work is only to learn, and earn, but mostly learn. (corny - haha!!)
whatever... I'm lost.
Friday, January 06, 2006
ADD: misery and laughter combined
picked up a book a while back: answers to ADD.
Attention Deficit Disorder. Never knew I was so, sooo identifiable to this disorder. Mummy!! I'm klazey!! laaa, no wonder la this blog's named lost man... I'm so lost sometimes you know?
I don't really know if you can call this a disease. After all, it's only popular in the US. The Europeans don't seem to think the disorder exists. Yet so many people can identify to its simptoms.
Extremely forgetful, absent-minded, day-dreaming, unable to complete jobs and jumping from one job to another, are just a few of the things these dudes go through. You don't know how painful these experiences can be until you're and ADDer yourself. Imagine screwing something up day in and day out.
Then again, as with all mental disorders, there are also good things. Sensitivity, flexibility, loyalty (to wife hehe :) ) creativity, and increased intuition are among a few.
Tho I'm not officially diagnosed with the thing yet, I find I can find my way when I'm lost just by relying on my gut feel. Ah, my gut says turn left... ok, now right... then left again... now it's saying stop at that McDonald's, fill me up and ask for directions. haha!! But seriously dude, when it really happens, it's so cool tho.
More on this later. chiao
Attention Deficit Disorder. Never knew I was so, sooo identifiable to this disorder. Mummy!! I'm klazey!! laaa, no wonder la this blog's named lost man... I'm so lost sometimes you know?
I don't really know if you can call this a disease. After all, it's only popular in the US. The Europeans don't seem to think the disorder exists. Yet so many people can identify to its simptoms.
Extremely forgetful, absent-minded, day-dreaming, unable to complete jobs and jumping from one job to another, are just a few of the things these dudes go through. You don't know how painful these experiences can be until you're and ADDer yourself. Imagine screwing something up day in and day out.
Then again, as with all mental disorders, there are also good things. Sensitivity, flexibility, loyalty (to wife hehe :) ) creativity, and increased intuition are among a few.
Tho I'm not officially diagnosed with the thing yet, I find I can find my way when I'm lost just by relying on my gut feel. Ah, my gut says turn left... ok, now right... then left again... now it's saying stop at that McDonald's, fill me up and ask for directions. haha!! But seriously dude, when it really happens, it's so cool tho.
More on this later. chiao
Friday, March 18, 2005
TVtrix
The matrix. Good movie. Well, at least the first movie was. The other two might as well have been shot in Japanese. Couldn't understand a thing.
Watching the movie makes you think (doesn't it?), and this is what I 'lamented':
If the real world is scorched earth- with humans living underground closer to the core, and the imaginary world is as it is now, then what's your choice?
Think about it carefully. You might end up agreeing with Cypher (the jack-ass traitor in the movie). Then again, you might wanna be like a superhero Neo - Doing his Superman thing. AND bringing back the dead. Now that's creeeepy...
My choice would be.... hmmm... good question.... dunno la.... will get back to this when i finish the last of the trilogy.
Watching the movie makes you think (doesn't it?), and this is what I 'lamented':
If the real world is scorched earth- with humans living underground closer to the core, and the imaginary world is as it is now, then what's your choice?
Think about it carefully. You might end up agreeing with Cypher (the jack-ass traitor in the movie). Then again, you might wanna be like a superhero Neo - Doing his Superman thing. AND bringing back the dead. Now that's creeeepy...
My choice would be.... hmmm... good question.... dunno la.... will get back to this when i finish the last of the trilogy.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Anger Management
Anger.
!%#%^#%&^*&*^@$^$%$#! courses thru my veins. Breathing becomes labored. Adrenaline kicks in - Muscles feel tense, then tired.
I was lied to today. By my own boss. Can't believe it. They say cholerics are manipulative. I just didn't know how much. That is, not until today. Damn.
Used to be this little timid kid whom anyone can beat the crap out of - and i still wouldn't complain. Not anymore. I've learnt my lesson the torturous, long, and hard way. That's right Asyraf, don't keep it bottled up in you. You'll burst like an overfilled balloon. Happened to you before didn't it?
I confronted the man, and told him I wasn't too happy with what he'd done. He was holding his flip-phone to his ear, in the midst of a call. I just didn't care. Had to get this out or it'd kill me.
"Saya main-main je tu tadi" (I was just playing you back there) he said, smilling sheepishly, handphone still to his ear. Do you really want the person on the other end of the line to hear this? Oh well.
Let it out - tried to be nice, but firm at the same time:
"Just don't mess with me. I'll do it if it's required of me. Don't trick me into doing it. "
He was now fumbling with the phone - getting his fingers stuck in between the phone as he was feebly trying to close the flip cover. "Saya main-main je tu tadi" Yeah, like hell you were.
He apologized later. I'm glad things didn't get any messier. Feels good to let it out.
For those of you who keep things buried inside, trust me, it's like cancer. Turns you from Anakin to Darth in a few years time.
!%#%^#%&^*&*^@$^$%$#! courses thru my veins. Breathing becomes labored. Adrenaline kicks in - Muscles feel tense, then tired.
I was lied to today. By my own boss. Can't believe it. They say cholerics are manipulative. I just didn't know how much. That is, not until today. Damn.
Used to be this little timid kid whom anyone can beat the crap out of - and i still wouldn't complain. Not anymore. I've learnt my lesson the torturous, long, and hard way. That's right Asyraf, don't keep it bottled up in you. You'll burst like an overfilled balloon. Happened to you before didn't it?
I confronted the man, and told him I wasn't too happy with what he'd done. He was holding his flip-phone to his ear, in the midst of a call. I just didn't care. Had to get this out or it'd kill me.
"Saya main-main je tu tadi" (I was just playing you back there) he said, smilling sheepishly, handphone still to his ear. Do you really want the person on the other end of the line to hear this? Oh well.
Let it out - tried to be nice, but firm at the same time:
"Just don't mess with me. I'll do it if it's required of me. Don't trick me into doing it. "
He was now fumbling with the phone - getting his fingers stuck in between the phone as he was feebly trying to close the flip cover. "Saya main-main je tu tadi" Yeah, like hell you were.
He apologized later. I'm glad things didn't get any messier. Feels good to let it out.
For those of you who keep things buried inside, trust me, it's like cancer. Turns you from Anakin to Darth in a few years time.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
A warm welcome
Most people probably won't read my blog. Yet. I hope
I dunno if i'll post often.
If I do, i'll amaze myself. WOW.
Taking it step by step.
I dunno if i'll post often.
If I do, i'll amaze myself. WOW.
Taking it step by step.
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